What Do I Have to Fear?

When I first considered sending her an email, it was not without trepidation. Would she be able to see into the dark recess of my soul? What would she see? Would she see sins that I had forgotten existed? She could read people. But how much? Was I doomed to stand in front of Hades and be judged. Hades with his eyes glowing red and my heart open for inspection. Ooh, look at what is written on page 1352! You sir, ought to be ashamed! And hellfire follows after.

Would she see me emotionally naked? I thought about that strange type of dream I used to have in high school. Perhaps you have had such a dream. In the dream, I would jump out of bed, grab my breakfast, and jump into the car, heading to school. Slowly winding through the orchard roads, gulping down breakfast while sis plays with the radio and pretends not to notice our tardiness. Parking and grabbing my stuff, I hurry to class. Sitting down, I notice the teacher staring at me. Suzy, to my right, is staring. Everybody is staring. Why are they staring? What is wrong? Trying to not arouse suspicion, I slowly look down to see if my fly is undone. Nope. My fly is not undone. I haven't got a fly. Why not? I forgot to put on my trousers. I forgot to put on any clothes at all. I am naked! There I am with everybody staring at me. The door leads to the hall, which runs through the entire school. The only reasonable choice is to go out the window! The class watches the mad dash. Once outside, I realize that it is the second floor. One cannot climb down and going back into the classroom is unthinkable. Mercifully, one typically wakes up by then.

Emotionally naked. She could see all. Back to the classroom you go lad. Only now, it would be real. Would she see my private thoughts and inner feelings? Please leave your privacy at the door.

But the curiosity! I was so very curious! What new worlds awaited me if I could get to know her? Surely her insight has revealed more than a few mysteries. Would she share?

What would it be like to read emotions? I had to know. Could she watch movies? The actors are all pretending. What about stories? What if she did not like my stories? What if she thought the Odyssey was silly? What if she thought Bilbo Baggins was unrealistic? What about the motivations of Tom Sayer and Huck Finn? Could I do that to Odysseus, Bilbo, Tom, and Huck?

In the end, curiosity won the day.

I took comfort in one fact. She could not see my face in an email. She was without the ability to look into my eyes and see my personality in my face alone. Maybe if I just asked her a few questions... Maybe one could peer into the depths and keep his fig leaf.

So I wrote her an email.

She replied and, despite my worries, she was pleasant, even nice. She was friendly and even seemed happy to answer my questions, speculate, and tell me about myself. "No," she said, "You are the person who makes it seem so. You want to believe, therefore, you struggle with this perception." I knew she was right without having to think about it.

We exchanged a few emails and she seemed genuinely curious about me also. She did not want to know my sins, but she did want to know me. I had peered into the depths and kept my fig leaf, and we had the beginning of a beautify friendship!

Oh, but she eventually asked for a picture. I briefly considered sending her a picture of someone else. Would she know? She was my friend. Besides, who would be better than me? What if the person whose picture I sent turned out to be an evil overlord? What if he liked to lick the chalk lines from the grass just to make cheerleaders cry at football games? I don't care what they say! I am not so bad. At least I am better than the chalk licker!

I sent her a picture of myself. I smiled. She loved it. She wrote all kinds of nice things and never mentioned any evil overlord or chalk-liking tenancies.

She has become a source of inspiration. She looked at my face and all was well. She has been a friend. She has been a coach. I even started to forget about her gifts. Every once in a while, she would ask me a question that would make me start.................................. Indeed, one of these questions led us to talking about creating this site. It was mostly her idea. All I did was show up, but it was a part.

Being emotionally naked turns out to be bit relaxing, soothing, and invigorating. Far from being a source of stress and worry, it is a source of happiness. We all want to be understood. And we all put on our masks to make ourselves a little more acceptable. Would it not be great to forget all that for a time?

It has been so for me! Indeed, she has inspired me to try for this in all my relationships.

You should try it sometime.

Oh, and send her three pictures, it is a hoot.